it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
