I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize