I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
