Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
