I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
