he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
