you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
