Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
