talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
