I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
