It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
