Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
