Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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