I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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