Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he fucked my hip out of place.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
