dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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