She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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