As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ass is underappreciated
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
