what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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