Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
