You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
