Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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