You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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