Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
