You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
