PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
