Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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