Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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