im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
