he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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