Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
