Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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