From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
