i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize