Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
