Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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