Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
