Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize