I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
