you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
