do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
