I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
