I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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