Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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