a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
