Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
