i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
