I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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