i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
