So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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