drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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