My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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