Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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