Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
