They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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