Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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