I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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