dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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